Have you ever had a weekend that you just didn’t want to end? That you would live over and over again if you could and never tire of it? For me, that was this weekend. After a long two months, I made my trip back to the wonderful state of Texas and the wonderful refuge of home. Spending all day shopping with your mama, another day of being in downtown Dallas with people you already admire and with people you just met, being stuck in traffic with your little sisters for two hours while trying to go see a remake of your favorite 80’s movie, interviewing for a summer job, and walking around to find a restaurant that has the Cowboys game on without an hour wait time may not seem like an extraordinary weekend. But, it was by far the best weekend I have had in a very long time. I found great happiness in this weekend and in the people I spent it with. I was happy and I was joyful. Then, I arrived back at school last night to realize that I have fallen back into a mistake I have been trying to overcome. I have been looking, and temporarily finding, joy in things, people, and places other than God.
While, yes, this weekend was incredible and I would do it over again in a heart-beat, I realize all too well that this was a temporary, fleeting joy otherwise known as happiness. While I enjoy Ouachita, the people here that I do life with, and the things that I am involved in, last night, I found myself longing for the people and comfort of home. I was only away from these things for a matter of hours and already the happiness I had received from them had faded and was replaced with longing for new joy. I take a step back and observe my relationship with my Father and realize that, over the last few days, I have not chosen joy. I have not relied on God to bring me joy and instead have chosen a joy that is not true.
Do I think that it was wrong of me to have an amazing weekend and to be joyful as a result of it? No, but the problem is found in my heart’s intentions. I came home to see my family and friends because I knew that they would bring me happiness. In my heart, I was relying on them to relieve me of the stress and frustration that had been building up in me over the last couple of weeks. While, the fact that these things bring me happiness is not a problem, the problem arose when I relied solely on them to make me happy. I was not pursuing joy in my relationship with God or focusing on things that would bring him glory. The consequence of that was at the end of my weekend, I found myself, once again, feeling as if I needed to search for joy.
So, once again I am faced with the decision of whether or not to choose joy. I realize that this is a decision that I have to make daily. Today I choose joy. Tomorrow, I will wake up and make that same choice again. Then, I will rely on God to bring me joy as I strive to live for him. I pray that he will keep me accountable to this and that my focus will remain on him.
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